What are your thoughts on being friends with benefits with someone?
Go for it! Connect Four!
Just know that one or both of you will probably at some point want something more, or something less, and it will probably end up putting your relationship in a weird place for a while, and…
We are a society of rules.
Hey, Feminist Boyfriend… what do you think about “Pick up arists”, and that culture? One of my guy friends seems to be buying into it, and it’s driving me crazy. -Brandi
Ugh. That shit is toxic. Part of the reason I began this site was to fight back against some of that idiocy. The saddest part is that it preys on a lot of well-meaning guys who happen to be a little awkward and genuinely want to know how to get a girlfriend, and maybe find some love.
Take an awkward dude and load his mind full of bullshit and you’re bound to turn him into a powder-keg of douche.
Turns out women don’t like being touched by strangers in bars. Or in any setting, really. It’s gross.
Turns out, telling them they’re fat or ugly (negging is the term they use) is a turn off.
Turns out, when a woman seems to be uninterested it’s because she’s, uh… not interested.
And some women are out of your league.
This does give me an idea for a much needed book, though. Thanks, Brandi. :)
It’s hard to be a good feminist when you have albums to sell and corporate executives to please. This should not shock anyone.
(Source: notkatniss, via keri--louise)
Marry someone funny.
Marry someone who thinks you’re funny, especially when you’re really, really trying to be.
Marry someone who wears your clothing size—double your wardrobe, even if there’s a stack of off-limit t-shirts from his high school days that he gently explains are so precious he…
Follow Nora… her words are never not pretty.
While I enjoy the sentiment, over my years I’ve seen mothers much more hurtful to their daughters as far as body image goes than I have fathers. Whether it’s a off-hand comment about weight, or putting their 8 year old on a diet… It’s all part of the system of oppression.
Feminist Boyfriend, Back To Serve You…
Sorry it’s been so long. Life. I want to get this thing back on track now, though. Let’s push this over 1,000 followers and see where we can go. Help me?
Send questions. I want to help.
feministkesha said: I'm back. My boyfriend of 2.5 years just left me. I feel like I am supposed to be all strong and independent now but the truth is I don't know how, and if he came back, I would take him. I just returned from Panama--he greeted me with roses, food, and a beautiful necklace. The next day, bam, I don't love you anymore. I don't see myself as beautiful and I hear about these "I saw you across the room and i knew you were the one" stories... I feel like that will never happen for me. Emotions.
Dear Feminist Kesha,
I hear you, Kesh. Love leaves us pretty weak and helpless sometimes. It’s easy to beat yourself up about it—YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH! But it’s never that easy. People burrow into our hearts, and when they leave they leave holes, whether it was a bad time or a good time.
Your (ex?) bf seems either super slimey, or just a confused young man who doesn’t know what the fuck he wants. Either way, it’s a recipe for being fucked over.
Sorry my reply wasn’t more timely. Either A) you’re back together now, or B) You’re over it already, meaning my bullshit probably doesn’t mean much now. In any case, I hope this finds you well, and you’re happy. Keep me posted.
the-rebel-rouser said: Ta muchly for your reply to my question. What an excellent reply/advice/general awesomeness. Life can be rather shit, but with people like you in the world, it's a lot less shit. So thanks, Kia Kaha Feminist boyfriend, Kia Kaha (That's Maori for be strong or stay strong) and keep doing your thing. X
Thank you, X. I like to think I’m doing a tiny bit to help make the world slightly less shit. Thank you for the kind words, and stop by anytime.
Happy fuckings! -IFB
the-rebel-rouser said: So I seem to be surrounded by anti slut shaming campaigns at the moment (totes legit) obviously I can see that slut shaming is a device used to regulate female sexuality etc etc. However, from recent personal experiences it feels pretty bad to be a "slut". Maybe thats just ingrained societal stigma. Maybe I should only be having sex with someone who cares about me etc etc. Or just do what I want. What's your stance? I want to be empowered, But I'm struggling with the emotional side of it. x
Slut is such a misused word, methinks. You can be the biggest slut in the known universe, and yet only have ever fucked one partner. Or you coudl fuck an entire football team on a lazy nondescript Tuesday afternoon. A big part of growning up is learning your sexual tastes. What works for you. What makes you happy, what makes you sad. What leaves you feeling indifferent. What makes your pussy drip in anticipation. Etc.
You do not need to feel bad that you want sex in a committed relationship with “someone who cares about you”. And, let me say this… no matter how many people you’re fucking, in my opinion, they should all care about you. They don’t need to love you, or want to spend the rest of their lives with you… but they sure as fuck better care about you. Otherwise, you’re letting yourself be shit on. No one ought to be shat on.
As long as you’re being truthful to yourself, refraining from slut-shaming others who have different sexual boundaries than you do, and you’re not merely allowing yourself to fall victim to what you think society deems acceptable sexual behavior for a young woman, you do not need to apologize for a damn thing. In fact, that’s what feminism is… the freedom to fuck as many, or as few people as YOU (yes, you) fucking feel like.
I don’t know how old you are, but I’m assuming you’re fairly young. Keep on learning yourself. You’ll be surprised how much you change over time. I promise. Who knows what’s in store for your vagina.
Love, <a href=”http://twitter.com/feministBF”>IFB</a>